The Story of Ed
by Meowth22
Summary: A retelling of the show, examining the characters and their relationships with each other.
1. Chapter 1

Ages:

Eddy: 4

Edd: 5

Ed: 5

Jonny: 5

Kevin: 6

Nazz: 6

Terry (Eddy's brother): 15

Eddy was sure that this would be his best scam yet: he would get that idiot Ed to eat a whole television set, which some sucker would pay a quarter to watch.

He just knew Ed could do it. He was much stronger than the usual kid his age. Or stronger than anyone of any age.

Ed's parents were baffled by their son's strength. Ed's mother, Rebecca mostly wanted the boy out of her hair for as long as possible (not helping that her husband, John, worked busy shifts and was rarely around to help take care of him).

This summer, Rebecca decided to just let Ed roam outside. She didn't feel she could handle the stress, especially when she was preparing for the birth of her second child. A baby girl. A normal one, she hoped.

Young Kevin was out riding the new bike his father had just purchased him. Though he enjoyed riding, he couldn't help but look over his shoulder every so often, to make sure that Terry wasn't there.

Terry. A teenager and the neighborhood bully. A sadist who enjoyed tormenting smaller kids, like Kevin. Though to the adults in the neighborhood, he put on a façade of being a well-behaved young lad, and to protect that image, made it clear to his victims that if they informed on him to their parents, he would increase their torment tenfold.

Kevin knew that Terry had a younger brother but made sure to steer clear of him. Out of a combination of: not wanting to take a chance if the kid was just like his big brother or to avoid Terry's wrath if he felt his little brother was being threatened.

Nazz was spending the day inside, helping her parents around the house.

Jonny was sitting in his room playing with his blocks. Though it did cause his parents some concern at how introverted their son was.

Eddward's family had just moved into the neighborhood, so he decided to walk around and meet his new neighbors.

Which is where he came across the 'Bottomless Ed' scam.

Eddy and Ed introduced themselves to the new kid, with outstretched hands (Eddy carrying a joy buzzer & Ed having filthy, unwashed hands). But, Edd showed he was wise to their tricks by only touching the tip of Eddy's fingers and placing a glove on Ed's hand before shaking their hand.

All three were amused that they all had the same name.

Eddy explained it to Edd: if he were to bet a quarter, Ed would eat a whole TV set in front of him.

Confident that such a feat was impossible, Edd bet two quarters.

Ed dug his fork into the TV and swallowed it whole. The sight disgusted Edd so much that he fled back to his house.

This left Eddy overjoyed at having just conned his first sucker, thinking about how proud his big bro was going to be of him.

He rushed into his house, leaving Ed next to the stand. He ran up the steps and knocked on his brother's room.

Terry heard the knock and Eddy yelling that he had something to show him. He groaned as he got up, wondering what the pipsqueak wanted now.

He opened the door to see Eddy holding out the two quarter, right before he explained how his scam worked.

Terry put on a jovial smile, ruffled his brother's hair, congratulated him on his first scam, before snatching the quarters out of his hand, and shutting the door in his face.

So, the pipsqueak was good for something after all, Terry reflected.

Eddy was left standing in front of his brother's door, not sure what to think.

Ed waited by the stand until John drove by and picked him up.

Edd stayed in his house for an hour or two, left shocked by Ed's feat. He reflected on the two boys he just met, wondering if they were the types his parents would want him associating with.

Quite an awkward start to his life in the cul-de-sac in Peach Creek.


	2. The Eds

*Adult names:

Rebecca & John: Ed & Sarah's parents

Harold & Mary: Edd's parents

George & Loreen: Eddy & Terry's parents

Joe & Judy: Jimmy's parents

Arlene: the Kankers' mom

Calvin & Florence: Kevin's parents

Christian & Astrid: Rolf's parents

Camilla: Rolf's grandmother

Eddy was left disappointed that Terry did not return the quarters to him. All he wanted was to be like his cool older brother. So that he would impress him enough that he would treat him as someone to respect, and not as a punching bag.

So, he decided to ape Terry's behavior. Especially his scamming.

Eddy reasoned that if he just continued doing scams, his bro would gain respect for him.

Later that day, Terry knocked on his door, and left him a candy bar that he bought with the quarters.

Eddy took the candy, and thanked his brother, who in return told him that if he continued his scams there would be much more sweets in his future.

Eddy prepared to eat the candy when he remembered something: if it wasn't for Ed, his scam wouldn't have been possible. So, he decided he would save the candy for tomorrow to share with Ed.

Ed had a huge grin on his face while being driven home by his daddy. Due to his simple nature, he had no interest in money, only in helping out his pal, Eddy.

While driving, John turned to his son and sighed at the goofy grin on his face. At a loss for how to control a kid with Ed's … disposition and abilities, he had decided to focus on work and leave the discipling of the boy to Rebecca.

And home was becoming more and more chaotic as the arrival of the second child drew near, though Ed was blissfully unaware of this, only excited to meet his little sibling.

After witnessing the Bottomless Ed scam, Eddward was left both disgusted and awed.

The next day, Rebecca, not in the mood to deal with him, ordered Ed to spend the day outside. Ed obeyed, not wanting to risk his mommy's anger.

Ed wandered along the sidewalk when he bumped into Edd.

Edd, recognizing Ed from the previous day, greeted him nervously, before Ed eagerly shook his hand, causing the germophobic Edd to cringe.

Eddy ran to meet Ed and was surprised to see him talking to the sucker from yesterday.

Eddy handed Ed half of the candy bar, telling it was his reward for eating the TV.

Ed took his half, before breaking it in two, and handing one part to Edd, much to the surprise of the other two boys.

Edd took the offered part, and shyly thanked Ed for his generosity.

Eddy watched the beanie hat-wearing kid eat the candy and got an idea. Maybe his scamming team could use a third member…


	3. A Son of a Shepherd

Ages:

Jimmy: 3

Sarah: 4

Eddy: 8

Edd: 9

Ed: 9

Jonny: 9

Kevin: 10

Nazz: 10

Rolf: 11

Terry: 19

By this time, the Ed trio had hit it off, and were now scammers. Double D, with his reason, usually managed to keep both Eddy's greed and Ed's stupidity in check, though not always. The Eds had a mixed reputation in the cul-de-sac; most of the kids were wary of their scams, but occasionally, there was a gem within all the garbage: a scam that actually benefited the other kids that kept them coming back.

But, for all the money they earned, they still had to give a cut to Terry. Double D chafed under Terry's abrasiveness. There was just something about him that unnerved Edd but could shake off his influence on the other two. Ed was like putty in the man's hands when he was looking for muscle to manipulate. And Eddy was always eager to please his big bro.

Terry had graduated high school, but still lived with his parents. On their nagging, he was on the hunt for a job, but the prospect still bored him. He still had enough free time for his favorite pastime: tormenting the neighborhood boys, especially Kevin.

Rolf's family had just started moving into the neighborhood. And, on top of learning English, it was hard for him to make new friends there.

It had been a rough voyage away from the Old Country to America. His great-grandfather passed away at sea, so they had to cremate him.

Their relatives already in America gave them enough money to buy a farm and animals.

Being a foreigner, Rolf was nervous about approaching the locals.

So, it was one of the locals who approached him.

Ed loved his little sister dearly, but his mother decided that it would be best if Ed spent as little time as possible with her, so she made Ed spend much of the daytime outside.

One day, he happened across Rolf's farm. He was in awe of the animals there, so he leaped over the gate and ran towards them. But then, Rolf's father, Christian, saw him, and accused him of trespassing, before ordering him to leave.

It would be the first time Rolf laid eyes on one of the Ed-boys. He didn't think much of the simpleton with the unibrow.

As the initial weeks went by, trouble began for Rolf's farm. Someone had been stealing their chickens!

To stop this, Christian ordered Rolf to stand guard in front of the chicken coop at night.

While on duty, a large figure appeared and lunged for Rolf. In the darkness of night, he couldn't make out the face right before he was punched in the head, knocking him out.

Rolf awoke to find that two of their chickens had stolen and to his father's reprimand. The shame stung him deeply.

That morning, Ed was walking to Eddy's house when he came across Terry holding two chickens by the necks.

Terry had long since practiced animal cruelty. When he felt it was too risky to bully the younger boys, he took his frustration out on animals. After all, what were a few dead chickens to Terry?

He began squeezing one of the chicken's neck when Ed, horrified, ran up to him.

Terry, catching sight of Ed from the corner of his eye, froze out of fear that he had been caught, but blew a sigh of relief when he saw it was just the pipsqueak's retarded friend.

Terry told Ed to buzz off, but Ed asked him what he was doing to the chickens.

Not in the mood for this, Terry put the chickens down before approaching the boy menacingly.

Ed had no idea what to do as the grown man prepared to strike him.

Out of instinct, Ed reached out to shove Terry away. This blew Terry backwards into a wall, leaving cracks behind.

Terry fell to the ground, unconscious.

Ed scooped up the chickens and ran away, in the direction of Rolf's farm.

Rolf had been sowing the fields to atone for his failure when he saw Ed jump over the fence with the chickens.

Rolf was overjoyed, and thanked Ed profusely for bringing the chickens back. At least now, he could say he had a friend in the neighborhood.

Meanwhile, Terry had gotten up and retreated to his room. Nursing his injuries, he worried if anyone saw Ed KO him. It would kill his rep if people knew he lost to a kid.

Terry now knew about Ed's true strength, so he knew retaliating against him was out of the question.

But, there was a saving grace. There was still a kid right across the hall he could take his anger out on…


	4. Sins of the Brother

For the next couple of days, Terry took his frustrations out of his little brother with daily games of 'Say Uncle' that Eddy dreaded.

It mostly went unnoticed by their parents until one day, when George had just gotten home from work, heard a chilling scream coming from upstairs. He raced up the steps and into the hallway where he found Terry laughing maniacally over Eddy, who was on the floor, tears in his eyes, clutching his arm.

Terry stopped laughing and looked like a deer struck by headlights when he noticed that his dad was present. He tried to brush it off as just a little roughhousing, but George stormed over, grabbed him by the shoulders, and shoved him against the wall, nearly knocking a picture down.

George yelled in his son's face, demanding the truth. Terry, startled, confessed: he had decided to play 'Say Uncle' with Eddy by holding his arm tight until he heard some bones crack.

And you thought this was funny?! George asked furiously, to which Terry tried to claim it was an accident only for George to slap him across the face.

Terry looked at his dad in shock. George had never been one to lay a hand on one of his kids. His own dad used to belt him for doing stuff not half as bad as what he'd just caught Terry doing to Eddy.

'Spare the rod, spoil the child', George's pop used to say. Spare the rod, spoil the child. George tried to be better with Terry, more relaxed. But, looking back, maybe he was too relaxed, too indulgent with him.

George went to the phone and called an ambulance. Terry, not wanting a record, begged his dad not to tell the cops what he did, but George did so anyway. Some time out could do him some good, George reasoned.

The ambulance came and took Eddy to the hospital. The police came and picked Terry up for assaulting a minor.

When Loreen came home, George filled her in on what had happened. She was shocked but demurred when George suggested kicking Terry out of the house.

George became more insistent that it wouldn't be safe for Eddy living under the same roof as Terry until his wife finally agreed.

From then on, George made it his priority that Eddy would not grow up to be like his brother. And he would do that with strict discipline.


	5. The Summer of Scams

Ages:

Jimmy: 7

Sarah: 8

Eddy: 12

Edd: 13

Ed: 13

Jonny: 13

May: 13

Kevin: 14

Nazz: 14

Marie: 14

Rolf: 15

Lee: 15

Terry: 23

School was out!

Kevin had had a fantastic year, excelling in both sports and grades, much to his dad's pride. To celebrate, he hung out with Rolf, throwing the football around. After all, in his cul-de-sac, what other guy was cool enough to hang out with? That wimpy kid? Those dorks? Or that freak that talks to a block of wood?

With his school-work finished for now, Rolf knew he had a lot of hard work ahead of him at the farm. From time to time, he could count on the large Ed-boy to help him.

Jonny was ready for whatever Plank wanted to do.

Both Ed and Eddy were relieved and overjoyed when they saw what was on their report cards. Thanks to Double D's tutoring, they narrowly managed to pass the semester. This satisfied Eddy's parents and spared Ed from having to spend the summer with his dreaded aunt. When shown his grades, Rebecca groaned as, per the agreement, Ed would stay home all summer, anxious over what trouble him and his two hoodlum friends would cause this time.

Ed rushed upstairs into Sarah's room, where she was having a tea party with Jimmy. He picked up and hugged her, gushing about how he was going to stay home with his baby sister, to which Sarah slapped him across the face and yelled at him to get out of her room.

Eddy was excited for all the scams he had planned up for in advance to try this summer on the neighborhood suckers. And Ed was ready and willing for whatever Eddy wanted. Not to mention, Double D, who acted as the two's voice of reason, though, knowing Eddy, he acknowledged he could only do so much.

Meanwhile, at the amusement park that he worked at, Terry was bored out of his mind. Sure, tormenting the occasional brat he could get alone with was fun and all, but it lacked the same excitement he felt when bullying those kids in his neighborhood. Building up their misery slowly, he relished it.

So bored (and a little nostalgic), he decided to look into the history of Peach Creek. That was when he found out that it was his family that had founded the town. Terry was intrigued by this. Continuing on, he found out that his schmuck ancestor lost the town to some guy named Lord Kanker. Nothing about the town's ownership came up after that.

Terry turned on his laptop and typed in 'Kanker' in the search bar. What came up was a news story about an Arlene Kanker arrested for DUI. Looks like the mighty has fallen, huh, Terry thought.

But this got him curious. Did this Kanker lady know about her connection to Peach Creek.

Causing some mischief at his old stomping grounds might cure his boredom. And maybe this Kanker could help with that.

Even since they kicked him out, Terry remained bitter at his folks.

 **From here on out, I'll be retelling actual episodes of the series.**


	6. Momma's Little Ed

It was the first days of Summer. A time for fun and relaxation. For the kids, at least. Not so for parents, like Harold and Mary. For they had to work long hours and had little time to spend with their son, Eddward.

Though they loved their son and were proud of him, they still had to focus on their careers to provide for him. So, they decided to teach him to look after himself while they were at work. Using sticky notes, that would tell him what chores they wanted him to do.

On one such morning, Edd awoke to find said sticky notes and diligently began his chores.

Eddy and Ed went over to his house to get started on their first scam for the summer only for Edd to ask them to wait as he had chores to do first.

Growing impatient, they went into Edd's house, where they were amused to find Edd working on a sewing machine (one of the chores was to make a sweater).

Edd ignored their mockery before searching the house for any remaining sticky notes. Eddy came across one of the notes and, looking for a chance for some mischief, forged Mary's handwriting to make up some notes of his own to humiliate Edd.

Edd was bewildered by these bizarre tasks that he assumed his parents had assigned him, but obliged, much to Ed and Eddy's laughter.

After incurring Rolf's wrath for dressing Wilbur and being smashed by the hat of discipline, Edd began suspecting that it wasn't his parents who had been writing the sticky notes-that it was Eddy all along.

Slyly, using sticky notes of his own, Edd tricked Ed into smashing up several things in Eddy's room, including his disco ball, leaving the short scammer to furiously order them out of his room.

Eddy was left to look upon his damaged possessions while Ed and Edd returned to their own homes.

Edd went back home, confident that Eddy had been taught a lesson. Two hours later, Harold and Mary returned home and heaped praises upon their son for completing his chores.


	7. A Boy and his Ed

Kevin was at home, watching the game when his dad called out, 'Kevin, could you come outside for a minute?'

The jock got up off the couch and went outside where his dad was waiting in front of the garage.

'What's up, Dad?', Kevin asked him.

Calvin grinned before pressing a button on his keys. The garage door opened. Kevin's eyes grew huge and his mouth began watering as he saw that his garage was now filled with jawbreakers.

'Whoa, Dad…How?'

'Just got a new job at the jawbreaker factory,' Calvin gestured towards the garage, 'And this is inventory.'

'Um, Dad, could I have one?'

'Have as much as you want,' Calvin grinned, then paused, 'But not too much, you understand?'

'Yeah, Dad,' Kevin went into the garage and grabbed one.

'So, did we score yet?' Calvin began walking inside.

'Got one touchdown in so far.'

Kevin already had the chips and water set up near the couch, in preparation for his dad's arrival.

Father and son sat down together to enjoy the game. And once over, they had dinner.

'So, Kev, what happened today?'

'Oh, nothing unusual. Played with Rolf. Had to deal with one of the Eds' scams again.'

Oh…them, Calvin thought. Kevin shared a lot with his dad, including how the trio was a bunch of troublemakers and would-be con artists (and Calvin knew the youngest to be the kid brother of that punk who used to bully Kevin).

Calvin was divorced from Kevin's mom, with him taking custody. Though Calvin loved his son and was proud of him, he still took effort not to spoil him.

So, when Kevin asked him, 'Hey Dad, could I give some of the jawbreakers to my friends?', Calvin thought long and hard about it before answering, 'Sure thing, son.'

'Thanks, Dad,' Kevin began to turn to leave.

'Hey, son…'

'Yeah, Dad.'

'About what you said about those…Eds, maybe you should give them some as well,' Calvin frowned at Kevin's surprised look at his suggestion, 'Y'know, offer them an olive branch?'

Kevin nodded and went upstairs.

Later:

Kevin was walking through the cul-de-sac, carrying a box filled with jawbreakers.

His first stop was to hand Rolf (who had just finished his chores) a jawbreaker. Then, Jonny.

Continuing on, he saw Sarah and Jimmy crying in an empty pool (well, Jimmy was crying; Sarah was more-like angry). Stopping to ask what was wrong, he was told that the pool had dried up so, to cheer them up gave them each a jawbreaker.

And that's when he saw them. The dorks. Doing another one of their scams: Double D and Eddy were filling a hole with water while Ed was holding up a door.

Offer them an olive branch, Kevin mused as he approached the trio. But before he could say a word, Eddy told him he had to pay a toll to cross the 'moat'. Kevin tried to speak again only for Eddy to shove a cup in his face and demand money.

Annoyed, Kevin kicked the cup away, causing it to hit Eddy in the head. The midget told Kevin to hit the road. Kevin huffed and left with his box. Whatever. Dorks.

After handing out some more jawbreakers, Kevin decided to give his last jawbreaker to Nazz right when the Eds came up to him and asked him for three jawbreakers only for Kevin to reveals he was out before leaving. They had their chance.

That night, Kevin and Calvin sat down for dinner.

'So, Kev, did you do it?'

'Yeah, but they just told me to buzz off.'

'…Well, at least you tried, son. That's what's important.'

The next day, Kevin was riding on his bike when the Eds, with a similar bike, rode up next to him. Wearing the same clothes as him. And the same hat.

Weirded out, Kevin sped away, with the Eds trying to follow him.

Later, in his house, Kevin checked his window because he heard a loud disturbance outside. That was when he saw: Ed and Eddy were shirtless and wearing body paint and were bashing trash cans together while Double D was playing a kazoo. All while doing this lame cheerleading routine about his name.

In response, Kevin only held up a sign labeled 'Dorks.'

The next day, Kevin was doing his chores-starting with cleaning the chimney when the Eds-again dressed like him came up and offered to help. Kevin, realizing he could use this, perked up and let them at it while he wandered off to have some fun. Maybe the dorks would be useful for something after all.

Kevin was playing in his backyard when part of his house's wall fell down-right on top of him. Out of the wreckage, emerged Kevin and the Eds all covered in soot.

Kevin surveyed the damage. His chimney was destroyed. His house was missing a wall. And his living room was filled with soot.

Enraged, Kevin grabbed a broom and chased all three away.

Now alone, Kevin dreaded his father coming home to find the wreckage. Having enough, Kevin decided the least he could do was clean himself up.

Kevin was taking a bath when-What the heck?!

The Eds, fully clothed, popped up in his bath. Boiling with rage, Kevin snapped out of the bathtub and pulled the drain, sucking all three down.

As far as Kevin was concerned now, the less he saw of the Dorks the better.

Then, he heard his dad's yell, 'KEVIN!' and gulped.


End file.
